Lately, my self-understanding is being smothered by materialism.
I get caught up.
I bury myself in social media trends, blogposts, makeup videos, fashion updates, clothing sales, unaffordable purchases, new "needs," endless "wants," and too many "haves."
Sometimes I feel like I'm looking through life through an instagram filter.
Sometimes I feel like the only thing grounding me is my bank account statement.
I am fascinated (maybe obsessed) with aesthetic. I love to shop, love to dress up, love to do makeup, love to decorate. It's perfectly okay. I tell myself that it doesn't make me superficial or materialistic, but I think reality checks are a must.
Social media does a funny thing where it twists and taints your perspective on reality.
My instagram feed is beautiful, and makes me think everyone I follow lives a daily fairytale. I then channel my jealousy of said fairytales through collecting *things* to make my life feel the same way.
But, reality check-- bloggers post the beautiful stuff. Messes and untidiness are carefully cropped out of frame. I have to remember that when I post, I do so every few weeks, when something beautiful and inspiring finds its way into my usually-unworthy-of-of-public-attention life.
My craving for one of those picturesque, blogger-type lives weighs me down.
I collect and perfect, and in attempts to make my life "postable" I become unhappy and curious about whether or not I'm doing so solely because others do, or, honestly, if it's because I'm just seeking the attention of others. (I looove attention, okay? Live for it. Who doesn't? Why else would I have a blog... really?)
I lose my attention to things that matter, to my true self, and get caught up in a web of what others are doing, saying, posting. Buried.
But, I believe that true voice and clear thought come from an uncluttered mind and soul.
Too many material things, too much spending, and focused attention on social media makes me feel chaotic and cluttered. It makes me feel distanced from myself and my pure thoughts.
My new year goals** (you can still make those in february right??) are attention and focus. On things that matter. I want to give attention to myself in healthy ways, like taking care of my mind and body. I want to perfect the art of focus. Focus myself on real understanding of everyday gifts that get overlooked, focus my gaze up in front of me, rather than in my past or down at my phone.
I need to catch up with myself, rather than getting caught up with everyone else.
**I won't set a resolution. Resolutions imply giving up or starting over-- recreating yourself. A goal focuses on progress and steps, making a better you rather than a different you. Goals give emphasis to the present and to hard work. While resolutions can be given up on, goals will remain, despite regressions. Goals seem more attainable than resolutions. #NewYearsGoals ...Let's make it a thing ;)
xoxo
Genevieve
